Kendall Schmidt Steven Taylor Photo Shoot
UPDATE #3 -_-
Alone. Scared. Overwhelmed. Contemplating SUICIDE.
By purchasing one of these shirts you will give teens battling suicidal thoughts help, hope, and healing through life saving counseling.
This is so worth it! <3
19 Birthday Wishes
- BTR Concert VIP Tickets. - You know, because I need to meet the love of my life, Kendall Schmidt. Kidding, but I really want to see these guys in concert and possibly meet them.
- Good Health. - I guess I have a bad immune system because I’m always catching colds. So moderately average health would be good.
- To Always Be Surrounded By The People I Love. - I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for them. They’re all that matter to me. I can’t afford to lose any one of them.
- Change For All The Right Reasons. - If I were to change, I hope I change for all the right reasons. To better myself and not degrade myself.
- A Plane Ticket. - Until I get a plane ticket, I’ll be asking for one on Christmas and my future birthdays.
- Save The Sea Turtles or Much More Than Me Tee. - Only because if you purchase one the money goes to the three endangered sea turtles: the Leatherbacks, Green Sea Turtles and the Loggerheads. And the Much More Than Me Foundation helps abused and neglected pets.
- Tattoos. - I want to get inked. Parents can’t say no when my dad has one. And I know this goes against my mother’s wishes but its okay.
- Coachella Tickets. - I would love to spend a weekend with live music and walking through crowds of people. Something that doesn’t seem like fun but could be a great experience.
- Workout Gear. - I’m in dire need of running pants, shorts aren’t going to cut it.
- Polaroid Camera. - Not something I really need, its more of a want. But if do get one, I’ll be using it all summer. Work on that photography.
- Vintage Superhero Tees. - I’ve just been really into superhero tees. Don’t know why, but I just think its cool. Marvel all the way.
- Baseball Tees. - 3/4 tees are always comfy.
- A Vintage Ring. - Again, something I don’t really need, just something I’ve been wanting for awhile.
- Lose 35 Pounds. - The main goal is to lose 25 or so pounds before summer and lose the last ten during the summer. I can only wish things go has planned. I’m slowly running out of things to wish for.
- New Running Shoes. - I grow tired of my hot pink Nike ones. I want Adidas ones.
- Learn How To Play The Guitar. - I already have one, I just need to motivated to learn how to play it because the last time I tried I got frustrated and quit.
- Learn How To Swim. - This needs to be the year I learn how to swim.
- Swim With The Sea Turtles. - This wish or dream won’t come true until I learn how to swim.
- Lastly, I just wish to always be happy. No regrets from all the mistakes I make throughout the year.
Ten simple rules for happiness:
- Free your heart from hatred.
- Free your mind from worries.
- Live simple, stay away from drama.
- Appreciate what you have.
- Laugh and smile.
- Learn how to forgive and forget.
- Love one another.
- Never take things for granted.
- Give a lot more.
- Expect a lot less.
School. Work. Homework.Workouts.
That’s basically all I’ve been doing these past couple weeks. I just want one, maybe two days of doing absolutely nothing. A lazy day if you will. No workouts, no work, no classes or assignments. Nothing. I just want a do nothing day. Is that too much to ask? It’s days like these where I miss being seven. There wasn’t a whole lot of responsibility. But since I can’t turn back time it’s only going to get worse from here. I don’t know how my parents do it so I honestly have to give them props. Ugh. Lord, please help me.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
There’s just so much to be thankful and grateful for. I don’t really know where to begin. That’s actually a great question, now that I think about it. Where do I begin? Hm, I guess I could start with today.
I went to church for the first time this year. Its something I should probably work on. Anyway, after mass Dorothy, Rochelle, Jen, Charmaine, Lovely, Rendon and I went to Starbucks for some coffee. In a way, it was our little Thanksgiving get together. We were pretty loud and I’m assuming we were obnoxious to the people around us but those moments make bittersweet memories. There were lots of laughs, lots of smiles. Everyone was just simply content. One of the best feelings in the world is sitting around with a group of friends and not caring about what people think. Simply not caring would have to be on the top ten of best feelings in the world list. I actually enjoyed myself even if it was a last minute, poorly planned coffee run.
Speaking of plans, we’re absolutely horrible at creating and following through plans. I would say it’s something we should work on but I kinda like the feeling of uncertainty. Afterall, the unplanned moments make the best memories.
Like I said earlier, there’s a lot to be thankful for. So I guess here’s a list of things that I’m thankful and or grateful about:
- Family. I’m thankful for having a loving and supporting family. All I want for them is to always be happy and healthy.
- Friends. God has been very good… No, that’s an understatement… God has done so much for me. He’s given me a group of friends that I’m comfortable being around. I’m thankful for having the chance to get to know who these people are. They’re my second family and just like my blood-related family, they mean the world to me.
- College Life. There’s nothing to be thankful about in college besides the fact that first semester is coming to a close. But I have met some pretty cool people. These next four years should be interesting.
- Having a job. Despite the fact I hate my job, it’s still a job. I should be grateful to have one because in some places people are still struggling to find one. If they’re not struggling to find one, they’re working a poorly paid job. I hope everyone finds a job, a good paying job. That, and I hope people find a job that they love doing.
- A place I call home. The comfort of lounging around in my pjs all day. That’s something I’m most definitely thankful for.
- Transportation. My gratitude towards my parents have increasingly increased. A 2012 Ford Escape is what they bought me. It’s something I most definitely don’t deserve.
I think those would have to be the major things I’m thankful or grateful for. That and I’m slowly getting lazy. So I guess this is it.
I really want to get back into photography. It always kept me sane and relaxed. Photography distracted me from over thinking or over worrying. I think the reason why I love being behind the camera instead of in front of it is because every shot I took represented my point of view on life.
Honestly, I want to buy disposable cameras and just take photos. Why? Because with digital cameras people can look through them and delete them. To me, the photos where no one was ready or making silly faces are the ones worth remembering and keeping. To me, that photo where we’re all laughing with our double chins hanging out triggers more memories than a photo where everyone is smiling and looking pretty. Its the candid shots that make the photo worth looking at and keeping instead of quickly looking through each photo that looks exactly the same as the last ten pictures you’ve looked through.
I take pictures to remember what used to be great. And instead of making my grandchildren look through digital albums I want them to be able to hold an actual worn out photo. There’s just more value to it.
In a short amount of time I believe that I’ve changed drastically. I’ve changed into someone I wouldn’t picture myself being a few months ago. I remember wishing to be skinny and not doing anything about it. I felt self-pity and worthless. I had my goals but no motivation, no determination. I blamed other things when in reality I’m the one to blame. Diets and exercise would start off strong but end horribly. I would let all my failures get to me. I avoided facing my problems by eating. I ate away my problems and because of it I gained several pounds last summer. When I stepped on that scale in the middle of last summer, it was my first and last time I checked my weight: 167 pounds. 167. That number haunted me for a good two weeks. It was my motivation to lose weight but before I actually lost a couple pounds I called it quits. 167 was the heaviest I’ve ever been. I don’t want to go any higher.
I guess you can say I have a fear of stepping on a scale. Losing weight is a lot more difficult than gaining weight. But I knew I was going to have to step on it sooner or later. Last week, I checked my weight at Rochelle’s house for the first time in months. 147 pounds. It isn’t my ideal weight but its progress. Honestly, I still can’t believe I’ve lost 20 pounds. It’s only making me want to continue. All my hard work is paying off. I would have to thank Rochelle for being my motivator and for keeping me in check.
Hopefully, in a year from now, I’ll reach my goal of 110-115. In the meantime, baby steps.
Everything has changed. Nothing will ever be the same from here on out.
From best friends moving out of state to them coming back. From being really insecure about my appearance to slowly accepting every imperfection and flaw. I’ve learned to take things one day at a time, to simply enjoy the little things in life. Things happen for a reason, good or bad. I’ve learned that distance can either make a relationship stronger, or it could do the complete opposite.
I’m not in high school anymore. I’m starting a new chapter in my life and I call it: “Growing Up” or “Do Things Worth Remembering.” Or it could be a mix of both: “Grow Up and Do Something Worth Remembering.” Anyway, I know I’m fresh out of high school but these past several months have changed me. I may have not noticed it before but after giving it some thought, I’m not the same person I was when I walked up to grab my diploma. I wouldn’t say I completely changed. Personality wise, I’m still the same person. Physically, I may not be. How I think about myself has most definitely changed. Its a good kind of change. Something I wouldn’t expect seeing me become. I can’t wait to see how far I’ve gotten in life in the not too distant future. My life… its basically a work in progress. If I try and keep trying despite how many times I’ve failed in the end of it all every mistake, every failure and every misunderstanding becomes progress. In order do well, you have to fail and make mistakes. Luckily, those are things I’m really great at doing.
I haven’t been writing in my journals or posting my thoughts on here. It’s time to pick up where I left off. Writing is what keeps me sane. I may not be the best writer but it’s something I love to do. So here it goes:
Lately, life’s been pretty good to me. There’s a lot that I’m thankful for:
- Great friends
- A loving family
- Living a healthier lifestyle
- First semester of college coming to a close.
- Having a job
- The holidays are coming up
- A month of winter vacation
Okay, so maybe I didn’t write about my thoughts. It’s pretty late and I’m getting lazy…not to mention sleepy.